your parents love me but you hate me
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
