Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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