false alarm. still invincible.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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