I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
