Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
