I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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