Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I am naked and annoyed.
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