can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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