i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
