i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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