are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Randomize
