i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
