$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
did you just send me my own nude
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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