After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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