your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
