I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I could make wine with my vomit
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
