It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize
