Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
