WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
