hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
