YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
