i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
