So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
