that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
