You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
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