We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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