Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
