Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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