We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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