put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Randomize
