hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
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