C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
