i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
