Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
