So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
