i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
