you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
