i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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