The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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