it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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