This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
