When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
