I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
