I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
