I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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