i think my mom watched the whole time
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
