mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
so explain again why im purple
no
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
