Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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