I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
