Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
then he tried to convert me to islam
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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