Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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