i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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