She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
