the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
