Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
You're breaking my sexual little heart
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
